Un-Birthday

I came here to think
but in the frigid foam and blue
my first thought was
this ocean is cold as hell

icy waves massage the shore
their painless slaps and
rhythmic retreats
remind me of time passing

sometimes all it takes
is a fleeting glance
imagining a mop of sandy hair
probably green eyes

sad, relentless memories
hand fed by
voyeured soccer matches
and piano recitals

any given month
it’s always you
everywhere
moving as I’m watching

I stare and imagine
what if
until it’s too excruciating
to wonder any more

then wonder again
was it foolish
to have chosen
your name?

careless
to visualize
eighteen candles
that never were?

so happy un-birthday
my interrupted angel
always right there
watching over me

~ J. D. Mackenzie

(inspired by napowrimo prompt #10 celebrate any of these: a birthday, wedding, baptism — any kind of celebration)